24 Comments

  1. Oh dear, never in my life have I experienced these shenanigans…nor do I want to. Though I must admit, I kind of chuckled at these stories due to the sheer absurdities behind their behaviors. Fortunately for you, your wedding’s coming up. No more of this crazy stuff. I too am glad that you’re past that stage of life.

    • There are a couple of equally absurd stories I left off of the list, however I felt these three stories were likely the best (and most vivid) examples of the shenanigans I dealt with in the past. And yes, as you mentioned, it’s a very fortunate thing that it’s over and done with.

    • See, I look at #2 as being a far more surreal experience, but I view #1 as the far less kind one. I’m not going to judge someone’s religion just because it makes me uncomfortable. I will, however, judge your choice to use violence unprovoked.

      • I don’t think freaking out at someone randomly coming at me with a knife judgmental, just a reasonable survival instinct (if that’s your thing, or part of your beliefs, whatev, but you damn sure need to discuss that shit beforehand). The punch was unprovoked and wrong, but all in all not as dangerous IMO- public place, you were dressed, etc. Naked in a stranger’s home? MUCH more terrifying.

        • I can see your justification on that point. Now that I think about it, there is a fairly traumatic reason in my past well before that date happened which likely caused me not to freak out when someone had a knife near me. That’s a much bleaker story than belongs on this post (or site, really) though.

          • That’s unfortunate to hear. Although I did think while typing that comment that maybe my mindset is a result of the different experience of being a female- we’re pretty much primed to expect rape. If, as a straight woman, I try to imagine myself in that situation, the odds of me being able to peacefully take myself out of the situation with a male partner are maybe not so good and that’s why it seems worse to me.

          • I completely see where you’re coming from. With the genders swapped in that scenario, that becomes a significantly scarier and more intimidating situation. Fortunately, my situation ended with me just being able to leave after saying I was uncomfortable. There wasn’t any malicious intent on her part, merely a ritual that she believed in with her religion. She was a very nice person (which is part of why I agreed to a second date), and once she understood I was uncomfortable, leaving wasn’t an issue.

  2. I’m trying not to laugh, because (other than the Jenna one) … those are horrible experiences. But jeeez! I thought that shit only happened in sitcoms!

    I thought ‘choke me’ was as weird as it gets…. nope. “Cut me…” wins. Hands down.

    • The Jenna one was just awkward happenstance. If nothing else, it’s a story that gives me a chuckle now and again. I have a couple sadder ones I could have replaced that one with, but I felt this post needed an upbeat story in it somewhere.

      FWIW, I heard “choke me” too (and worse). Again…bad situations.

  3. Ah man, I feel like ever since I started blogging we’ve pretty much seen eye to eye when it comes to online dating. I’m glad you’ve shared some of your encounters. I thought my dating escapades were bad, but man… those last two are awful. Dating is a terrible experience– especially with people you’ve met online. I mean I cannot knock it completely… I met my current boyfriend online, but I can’t say that even our first date went off without a hitch. (Nothing bad, just eternally frustrating on my part.) The experience of dating though is awful and consists of a whole lot of mixed messages and scoping each other out. I’ve found it much easier to just stay single or be in a relationship. But man, having someone ask you to cut them is probably something out of a horror movie. I’ve had guys do some pretty terrible things to me (mainly sexual things without much consent) but never had anyone to ask them to cut them. Yikes. 😡 And I thought my dating experiences were a whirlwind…

    • I legitimately don’t think online dating is bad for the most part. In nearly all situations, I’d say it’s on part with more traditional dating in terms of its awkwardness and unnecessarily societal usefulness. That said, I’d also make the argument that 3-4 of the online dating situations I found myself in would be extreme outliers if they were to happen in traditional dating situations (not to mention that I think all but one of them are outliers for online dating as well. I could have shared a lot more, but I chose to limit my list.

  4. Wilhelmina Upton

    Okay, I have to admit I would have laughed out at #1 loud had I not read this at work. And #2 scares me just a little bit. Idk, the new year had me on the verge of creating an OKC account again but ugh. I think I’m not going to do that after all. But I do need a damn date at some point.

    I don’t think I ever asked but how did you an dthe fiancé meet?

    • We actually met at university, so it was completely unrelated to the online dating shenanigans I dealt with. That’s not to say all the shenanigans I dealt with came about as a result of online dating, however some of the darker ones did come about as a result of meeting someone online.

      I’d personally say go for it when it comes to restarting your OKC account. While I recognize that I had some bad experiences with online dating, it is a wonderful resource to find people you wouldn’t otherwise be aware of around you. I did have some good experiences because of online dating, however since none of them involved my fiancee, I don’t feel this is particularly the right place to discuss those. There were good experiences, even a few that didn’t lead to dates.

      • Wilhelmina Upton

        My reluctance to re-join OKC was less the result of this post and more my general uneasiness with the medium. I prefer meeting people by chance but that isn’t going to do me any good because I live in het-central.

        • I think there’s still a negative stigma associated with online dating that makes people feel uneasy about it. While the stigma is nowhere near as strong as it once was (the first girl I dated thanks to OKC actually had us make up a story of how we met because her family and friends were so against the concept…this was in 2009, so not that long ago), it still exists. If there are fewer opportunities for you to find a relationship in your area due to the lack possible dating partners, I do think it could work in your favor to try online dating again. With that said, you need to do whatever you’re comfortable with.

    • I met some cool people on OKC.

      Both of them were guys I thought sounded cool and I messaged, instead of waiting for guys to message me. They both ended up being incredibly nice people whom I have yet to delete from my social media friends even after getting married, if that tells you anything.

      Just…y’know, carry pepper spray and meet in public places. Ya never know if there’s another crazy BOB-wielding type out there.

      • I met a few cool people on OKC, though I don’t talk to them anymore (two of the three because we stopped talking after breaking up, one because you don’t have exes who are your closest friends while dating someone else…personal opinion). I wish I could say I met a great on OKC who is still a very close, personal friend, however I cannot. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort though.

        • I think one guy I would have stayed a lot closer with if we hadn’t been so lonely and dumb when we met. We were really meant to be just friends…we even tried having sex once and totally failed. But we persisted in trying to make the whole thing physical and messed around just enough that now it’s a tiny bit awkward as a married person to spend a lot of time talking to him. We content ourselves with the occasional Google + comment and that seems to work out just fine!

          I’m all for friends of the opposite sex…it’s just yeah, a little different when you’ve also seen their genitalia before.

      • Wilhelmina Upton

        Ha! I would never not meet in a public place. The last time I tried, we met at a café. When I wanted to sign up for OKC again, I remembred that it still wasn’t as much a thing in Germany as it is in the US. Maybe I will try it again some time but not right away.

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