Thank You Notes

As I mentioned on Monday, I’m not a fan of sending out thank you cards, especially in the case of weddings. I view them as little more than a way for married couples to be conceited to people they don’t like, and for the people who like them to feel slighted they weren’t thanked more. That said, there is one single instance where I find thank you cards appropriate. That one specific case comes to us courtesy of Jimmy Fallon.

Using the thank you card format as a way to convey humor in short, bite-sized pieces is the most useful way to make the medium effective. Fallon’s thank you note sketches are everything a traditional thank you card is not: snarky, honest, and not patronizing. They’re like the kid in your high school class who the teacher has to yell at for disrupting class, even though she secretly agrees with the student. As a fun little Friday treat of my own, I thought I’d try my hand at some thank you notes to various things/people/entities.

  • Thank you, TV Tropes, for your endless wealth of information about television, writing, video games, and popular culture. You’re the one reference site I can waste my entire night on and feel like I learned everything and nothing at all simultaneously.
  • Thank you, middle fingers, for giving my hands the ability to say what my words and facial expressions cannot during rush hour.
  • Thank you, buttermilk, for proving that just because you combine two words that everyone loves, it does not mean your product will taste good.
  • Thank you, New Jersey, for letting Florida off the hook sometimes. Without your existence, Floridians would have no one to feel superior to.
  • Speaking of New Jersey…Thank you, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, for embodying every possible stereotype of the term “Bandwagon Fan” that could possibly exist.
  • Thank you, Snapple, for providing facts I learned in middle school science classes underneath your bottle caps. With the spread of standardized testing for everything in the USA, there’s a decent chance you may be the only ones teaching these facts in the next 5-10 years.
  • Thank you, lady in Panera who wore an all leopard print outfit while carrying a leopard print purse, talking on a phone with a leopard print case, and sporting leopard print boots, for reminding us all that leopards and normalcy are both endangered.
  • Thank you, Dillard’s, for proving that it is possible for a store to sell clothes that look like they were made in 1955 at prices that are too high in 2015.
  • Thank you, confederate flags, for allowing me to quickly identify people who are either fans of Kanye West, or who are fans of people who would have tried to own Kanye West 150 years ago.
  • Finally…thank you, Girl Scouts of America, for your yearly reminder that you exist by setting up stands outside of grocery stores. You’ve taught me that it’s okay to say no to cookies, no matter how good they taste, and no matter how many of your mothers I anger when I walk by without buying a box.

Front page image credit: Keri Omuro on Flickr. Used under a Creative Commons license.


4 thoughts on “Thank You Notes

  1. Since when did girl scouts teach us that it’s okay to say no to cookies? Clearly, I blame them for fattening me up with those delicious goodness in the place. 😛 Then again, these girls [actually their mothers] are the main reason why I ultimately say no to the offer. And the fact that I’d rather buy cheaper and healthier alternatives in Chinatown, despite the bad drivers. This is why I love big cities.

    On the other hand, I’d be more motivated to write thank you notes with that music playing in the background. You should have second thoughts as well.


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