Hi. My name is Tim((Hi Tim!)) and I am a workaholic.
I’d like to lead off by saying that in general, I am a person who is very aware of what I am good at and what I am not good at. I am very good at online geography quizzes, making Excel do exactly what I want it to, turn-based strategy games, and snarking at whatever happens to be on television at a given moment. I’m very bad at telling who people are just by looking at their faces, singing((Outside of a very, very small range of songs.)), keeping my opinion to myself, and making grilled cheese. This trait also applies to my work experience and the skills/traits related to various jobs I’ve held. I’m very good at calming people down, creative thinking, and designing properly scaffolded courses within a curriculum. I’m very bad at sales, business politics, and having any semblance of work-life balance.
That last item — work-life balance — is of particular note for a few reasons. First and foremost, while it is a factor that has become very obvious to me at my current job, this job is not the first job I’ve had this happen with. When I was in high school, I lived so close to the pizza shop I worked at that I could walk there in under five minutes. Despite the limitations placed on workers under 18 in the state of Ohio, I tried to work as much as I possibly could. In my mind, it made sense, as I was paying for my own gas, car insurance, school supplies, school fees, and pre-paid cell phone at the age of 16((I was paying for all of those except gas and insurance at 15, though if 15 year olds could drive, I likely would have been paying for things then.)). There were a number of things my family couldn’t afford, so why shouldn’t I be trying to bank as much money for myself as possible?
Fast forward to adulthood. I’m nearly ten years out of high school, married, and in a significantly better financial position than I was when I wasn’t the person providing for me. I’m managed to put myself in a pretty good position now and in an even better position for where I’ll be long-term.
I’m also tired, stressed, and jaded.
I had a rough week recently. On the Sunday of that week, I spent the better part of nine hours working on various items for work. It was a very productive Sunday((Even outside of the work stuff I completed, I wrote a blog post, got groceries, did dishes, and took out the trash.)), but one that left me rather drained when I went to bed. Monday was a frustrating day at work which left me in tears on multiple occasions at home. Following a rather large fight with my wife, I mentally vowed to do something about my stress level — though with no idea what at the time. Tuesday was just as frustrating as Monday, if not more so. At the end of the day, I left work without my computer.
This is a huge step for me for various reasons, both work-related and not. My personal computer is very, very slow. I’m currently writing this post on said computer, which has a brand new install of Windows 10 and is running Chrome with two tabs open((Neither of which are data-intensive: WordPress and Reddit.)) and nothing else. My computer is lagging about three words behind me as I type. As a result, I tend to use my work computer far more frequently than I would in other situations. But with using the work computer for personal use comes doing work more often. Excluding the week before my wedding and the time I was gone on my honeymoon, I’ve worked from home at least 4 nights a week (typically more) every week since October of 2014. It’s left me in a position where the emotions I listed above — tired, stressed, and jaded — only hit the tip of the iceburg of my fatigue. Even worse, because my job is often times writing-intensive, it leaves me not wanting to blog (or reusing old posts from my old blog).
I ended up leaving my computer at work two more times that week. I’m trying to make an effort now to not bring it home other than on weekends (or if I need to because my computer won’t load a website I need, which has sadly happened multiple times recently, though still less often than when I was running Windows 8). It’s a small step…and admittedly it’s one that’s difficult to make. I don’t want to live my future like I lived my past. I don’t want my adulthood to be dictated by stress, poverty, anger, frustration, or any combination therein. And as such, I need to learn to strike a balance to keep my sanity. Otherwise, I won’t have a future to dictate.