Have you thought about the end of the world? Not how the world was going to end, per say, rather what would you do with your final days on Earth?

The plans many people come up with are very general in their nature. For some, the end of the world signals the end of inhibitions, with copious amounts of drug use, alcohol, sex, and other general debauchery reigning supreme. For others, a certain finality brings about nothing more than an irrefutable need to spend their final hours with family, friends, and in the case of sadists, our fiercest foes. With all that said, even the best laid end of the world plans are rarely very detailed.

Problem #1? Lack of diagrams.

Remember when a radical Christian preacher told everyone that there would be a giant earthquake that would cause the Rapture? Most people have forgotten about that, but that was totally a thing in the late spring of 2011. Long story short, said giant earthquake would start at the international date line, then move around the world by time zones at exactly 6 pm local time until the entire world was hit by the earthquake. This event was to preclude the actual end of the world, which was “scheduled” to take place in October of that same year.

Now obviously we’re not dead, so the world didn’t end. That said, the wife and I had a plan just in case a giant, time zone abiding earthquake actually happened. To be fair, said monstrous tremor was actually set to happen about two weeks before she and I started dating. Likewise, I was living in Arizona while she lived in Indiana. Despite all of that we had a plan.

The plan was quite simple really. She would be up from having to work that morning, while I would have the advantage of living in Arizona (which doesn’t obey Daylight Savings Time) to buy me a bit of extra time. From there, we’d drive to Oklahoma (the city was either Oklahoma City or Tulsa, and I don’t remember which…though I do remember part of the goal was to avoid the 93% of Oklahoma which is desolate, flat, and populated with nothing but Texans and tornadoes), get a hotel room, and wait for our imminent demise.

Your average citizen of Oklahoma. Photo credit to

The plan wasn’t more specific than that, though it probably should have been. After all, no end of the world plan takes into account that traffic would be a bitch. Think about how shitty traffic is on the Gulf Coast every time a hurricane hits. Could you imagine the complete and total bullshit that every road would be like if the world were actually ending (especially with advanced notice like this scenario would have provided)? The entire United States would become as chaotic as Los Angeles’ rush hour.

Likewise, our hotel idea probably wouldn’t have been the best plan either. Assuming for a moment that said establishment would actually stay open in the event of a world-ending event (a statistical unlikelihood at best), it would only be a matter of time before the looters and pillagers would see a hotel in pristine condition, upon which time they’d descend on the building, stealing everything from televisions to Tic-Tacs before burning the building to the ground.

This logic doesn’t take into account the fact that many of our perceived apocalyptic scenarios are ones that have no real warning. While the rolling earthquake or a severe polar storm like the one in The Day After Tomorrow provides a warning of its coming, total nuclear devastation and the zombie apocalypse are a little harder to pin down when they’re going to happen. Some people have contingency plans for nothing, while others have plans for everything.

Which side of this equation do you fall on? Do you have a survival plan for impending death and destruction? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.


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6 thoughts on “ITEOTWAWKI

  1. I’ve had several dreams about whether or not my house or another flat were zombie proof. And, if I was at this flat, would I be able to get to the pub my partner works at and get him back to said flat without being zombied. Or, if it was just me, would I be able to make the half hour bus ride to my house on foot safely, and within a day, to see if anyone was home and if my animals were ok. And whether or not I’d be able to convince my dog to stay still long enough so I could carry her into the attic. Probability says no, but I’d struggle on, and she’d eventually forgive me.

    A nuclear strategy is kind of pointless, other than ripping up the floorboards and hiding under the house because of a lack of basement. Flooding on the other hand, I’d be sorted. Scotland is hill and mountains galore. Traffic might be a nightmare, but I think most of us would forgo the roads and start driving through the fields until we crashed into a mountain.

      1. The survival ones? Whatever takes your fancy, although I can’t imagine why, they’re complete nonsensical bollocks most of the time. Unless you were planning on creating a story with a character that thinks things through (in which case you wouldn’t really have a story, because it’d narrow down the scope for things going wrong, so it’d be more of a survival guide).

        1. Oh you know….a little column A, a little column B.

          Really it’s just that dreams really interest me. No idea why, but hearing about other people’s dreams is just fascinating to me.

  2. I kinda figure, it’s going to happen when it happens, and I’m not going to worry too much about it. I just focus on living life to the fullest, and when they give those date, I kinda ignore them.

    1. I have a friend who is kind of a fanatic about understanding the mentality of preppers. He doesn’t do the prepping himself, but he’s morbidly amused by their fear. That’s kind of where I find myself when it comes to end of the world thinking now.

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