Everything Millennials Are Killing

As a millennial, I’m continuously shocked to learn how many things I’m killing. I don’t have the time in the day to kill anything, let alone to kill all the things ever. It’s bad enough that Know Your Meme is even making fun of it. And while there may be plenty of think pieces online written by people who aren’t millennials trying to explain why millennials are killing entire industries, that’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to give you objective journalism.

And video game posts. And short stories. And shit posts. But mostly objective journalism.

Without further ado, here’s a list of everything millennials are killing, according to newspapers, magazines, and other major publications1I refuse to refer to this amalgamation of sources as “the media” not because it’s inaccurate, but because people who use this term are often doing so out of a derision towards a particular set of news sources that don’t agree with their personal or political world view. Doing so is not only childish, but also embarrassing for those who speak that way, even if the terminology they choose to use has some basis in reality (depending, of course, on the adjectives they use to describe “the media”).. This list is ordered chronologically, as I’m just trying to retrace my steps to figure out what all I’ve killed. I have chosen to exclude items that random sites not tied to publications have stated that millennials have killed, otherwise this post would be 50,000 words. If there are other things I’ve killed that I’m missing, leave me a link to the article you’ve found in the comments.

Note: A massive thank you is due to a pair of articles I found on Buzzfeed and Mashable that gave me a good start to this list. That said, I went down some weird rabbit holes to find some of these articles.

2012

June 8 – Payscale says millennials killed the corner office

2013

July 22 – Slate says millennials are killing the religious right

2014

July 16 – Unwritten says millennials are killing manners and class

July 24 – Forbes says millennials are killing golf

August 1 – Wired says millennials killed bad advertising

August 25 – The Gothamist says millennials are killing McDonald’s, but only those of us who are promiscuous

September 8 – NBC News says millennials are killing credit cards

October 2 – Forbes says millennials might be killing Home Depot

2015

February 20 – Mic says millennials are killing the terms boyfriend and girlfriend

March 24 – Market Watch says millennials are killing Macy’s

May 27 – The New York Times says millennials are killing thongs

May 30 – Tech Crunch says millennials are killing banks (though to be fair, banks started it)

August 13 – Quartz says millennials killed General Electric’s performance review process

September 2 – Business Insider says that a millennial owned company is trying to kill Victoria’s Secret

September 24 – Refinery29 says millennials are killing TV sitcoms

October 2 – Digiday says millennials have killed focus groups

October 28 – Entrepreneur Magazine says millennials are killing the cubicle

November 10 – Time says millennials — with some help from baby boomers — killed retirement savings for Gen X

2016

January 8 – Philly Magazing says millennials are killing working

February 3 – Forbes says millennials — in a coordinated effort with baby boomers — killed the Toyota Scion

February 9 – Boston.com and Deloitte partnered up to say millennials are killing company loyalty

February 25 – The Atlantic says millennials attempted to kill the wine cork, but it’s unclear if they’ve succeeded

March 4 – Mashable says millennials are killing expensively furnished hotels

March 21 – GQ says millennials are killing breakfast cereal

March 23 – Entrepreneur Magazine says millennials are killing the 9-to-5 workday

March 28 – Business Insider says millennials are killing paper napkins

April 14 – Bloomberg says millennials killed the McWrap

April 15 – The New York Post says millennials are killing the movie industry

April 26 – Elle Magazine says millennials are killing the stiletto heel

April 27 – Vice says millennials are killing fucking

May 5 – The Wall Street Journal says millennials are killing running

May 8 – The Globe and Mail says millennials are killing the Canadian tourism industry

June 21 – Market Watch says millennials are killing face-to-face interaction

June 29 – The Economist says millennials are killing diamonds. They followed up a day later with their infamous diamond tweet.

June 30 – Quartz says millennials are killing the myth that they’re entitled

July 16 – The Caribbean News Service says millennials are killing the cruise industry

July 19 – USA Today says millennials are killing the bra

August (Date Unknown) – Call center company Evaluagent says millennials are killing call center culture.

August 3 – The New York Post says millennials are killing sex. Again.

August 10 – Market Watch says millennials are killing home cooking

August 19 – NY Magazine says millennials are killing the Olympics

August 22 – The Washington Post says millennials are killing home ownership. Also on this day, research firm Mintel said millennials are killing bar soap.

August 26 – Inc says millennials are killing vacations

September 6 – Indiewire says millennials are killing the DVR

September 21 – Business Insider says millennials are killing light yogurt

September 29 – Time says millennials are killing traditional baby names

October 10 – The LA Times says millennials killed big spending and risk taking.

October 13 – Reuters says millennials are killing their parents’ retirement plans. Again.

October 17 – The New York Post says millennials are killing gyms

October 27 – The Wall Street Journal says millennials are killing grocers

December 16 – The Wall Street Journal says millennials are killing fabric softener

December 29 – The Journal of Hand Therapy and the National Institutes of Health say that millennials are killing strong handshakes. Also on this date, the New York Post says millennials killed the dinner date.

2017

February 17 – Fortune says millennials are killing department stores

February 28 – The Metro says millennials are killing marmalade

March 23 – The New York Post says millennials are killing brunch

March 25 – USA Today says millennials are killing cable

March 28 – USA Today says millennials are killing lunch

April 4 – Bloomberg says millennials are killing marriage

June 3 – Business Insider says millennials are killing casual restaurants

June 15 – Nylon Magazine says millennials killed J. Crew

June 22 – Autoweek says millennials are killing automotive marketing

July 10 – USA Today says millennials are killing college football attendance. Also on this day, Yes Lifecycle Marketing published a study saying millennials are killing malls.

July 12 – CNBC says millennials are killing Harley-Davidson

July 21 – Business Insider says millennials are killing the oil industry

July 24 – Business Insider says millennials are killing the beer industry

August 15 – NPR says millennials are killing Applebee’s, marking the second time Applebee’s has died by our hands

August 16 – Business Insider says millennials are killing ‘breastaurants’ like Hooters

August 25 – Business Insider says millennials are killing traditional education

October 2 – The New York Post says millennials are killing postcards

October 13 – Vice says millennials are killing lotteries

October 31 – Business Insider says millennials are killing Halloween…kind of.

November 30 – Forbes says millennials are killing salary secrecy

December 7 – The Weekly Standard says millennials are killing office holiday parties

2018

January 4 – Fortune says millennials are killing being imperfect

January 13 – Wired says millennials are killing capitalism

January 19 – The Washington Post says millennials are (possibly) killing Costco

March 11 – The Financial Post says millennials are killing malls again. But this time it’s Canadian malls.

March 24 – Forbes says millennials killed both youth sports and Toys ‘R Us

March 27 – USA Today says millennials are plotting to kill the top sheet, though they haven’t acted on it yet

May 1 – The Guardian says millennials are killing the living room

May 14 – Metro says millennials are killing Club 18-30 holidays

May 24 – Carbuzz says millennials (or Gen Z…they’re not sure which) are killing subcompact cars

June 26 – Forbes says millennials are killing kitchens. Again.

July 2 – CityLab says millennials are killing country club membership

July 12 – The Comeback says millennials are killing Millennial Night for minor league baseball teams. This one isn’t important at all, but did make me laugh.

August 6 – Business Insider says millennials killed a beer specifically created for them

August 9 – Maxim says millennials are killing the razor industry

August 11 – Philly Magazine says millennials are killing mayonnaise

August 21 – Bustle says millennials killed dress codes

September 15 – The Washington Post says millennials are killing Washington DC’s metro

September 20 – KARE 11 says millennials are killing resumes

September 24 – The Minneapolis Star-Tribune says millennials are killing post offices

September 26 – USA Today says millennials are killing divorce

October 8 – USA Today says millennials are killing relationships

October 9 – Fortune says millennials are killing the primary care doctor

October 10 – Bloomberg says millennials are killing American cheese

October 11 – The Guardian says millennials are killing getting drunk

October 24 – Sports blog Saturday Down South says millennials are killing the University of Miami’s smoking Ibis mascot

November 1 – Jezebel says millennials are, shockingly, not killing funeral homes

November 19 – The Daily Mail says millennials are killing large Thanksgiving turkeys

November 22 – Metro UK says millennials are killing Christmas traditions

November 30 – A study by the Federal Reserve (via NPR) says millennials are killing things because they’re poorer than previous generations. We finally have a motive!

December 3 – Business Insider says millennials are killing canned tuna

Current Millennial Kill Count

Confirmed Kills: 95

Repeat Kills: 5

Possible Kills: 4

Total: 104

Other (Failed Kills and Motives): 2

Everything Millennials Are Killing

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4 thoughts on “Everything Millennials Are Killing

  1. Many of those are laudable achievements. Keep up the good work!

    Not sure about the originality in killing large Thanksgiving turkeys. I would have thought that somewhat traditional. Surprising, though, that the Mail wouldn’t have portrayed it as ‘Obese reject refugee birds set to flood UK post-Brexit’.

    1. I’m particularly a fan of the fact that we’re killing call center culture and brunch. I do hope we allow Applebee’s and Buffalo Wild Wings to survive though. I quite like both places.

  2. WHOA. It seems the incident of “death by millennial” is on the rise each year. Farewell to face-to-face interactions, sex, relationships, marriage, and divorce. Say sayonara to beer, mayo, cheese, breakfast cereal, and the McWrap. I am truly curious what’s next and have a few thoughts…

    1) Aside from this brilliantly satirical compilation, who reads these articles? Bitter baby boomers who feel their work Christmas party is at risk, feminist millennials who are proud that granny panties are in, or owner of the cruise ship who hasn’t seen a young person for awhile…?

    2) Haven’t these people ever heard of a thesaurus? I’m not sure whether generational “killing” of industries and ideas has always been a thing, but the pervasiveness of internet access paired with lack of creativity makes the repeat of the *same word* seem more and more laughable. Why not annihilate, decimate, or snuff?

    3) I’m going to have to agree with Glen that many of “the things we killed” needed to go. I think I speak for most women when I say, I think life is better without bras, thongs, and stiletto heels.

    4) I’m secretly hoping that the ever-secret millennial kill-list includes: the federal protection of Canadian geese, the resurgence of 90s stripes and scrunchies, Black Friday and Cyber Monday month, and the bros in rice-burners who cut you off with about two centimeters to spare. Based on current patterns, we should know within the week!

    1. I feel like the death by millennial logic isn’t actually rising year over year so much as usage of this particular verbiage is. After all, the term millennial didn’t start getting mainstream usage until after Time used it in a 2013 article talking about our generation.

      As I mentioned in my response to Glen, there are some things we’re allegedly killing that I really like. If we could keep focus groups, casual dining restaurants, sex, subcompact cars, and the Canadian tourism industry, I think I could be happy. I’d also selfishly like for resumes and the thong not to die, though that’s because I’d like to keep my freelancing work going, and lingerie is nice to see, respectively. That all said, salary secrecy has needed to be a thing of the past for years.

      The other thing I’d like to point out is that I’m sure a lot of older articles about this topic were harder to find (and therefore I haven’t found them yet) because people weren’t using the “millennials are killing x” format originally. Now it’s basically a meme though. While this lacks creativity, it’s great for my Google alerts allowing me to find new stuff to add to this list.

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