Pokemon Who Can’t Learn Obvious Moves

Pokemon has some weird game mechanics at times. Between the natural level up process, TMs and HMs, move tutors, and breeding, most Pokemon have a bevy of moves at their disposal. Sometimes, this means that a Pokemon can learn a move that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, like Kantonian Raticate learning Icy Wind or Flame Wheel1Kantonian Raticate is the poster child for this phenomenon, and that’s not even taking into account that it learns Jump Kick in the anime. That’s a move that actual makes some form of sense.. Sometimes, a Pokemon’s entire gimmick is the breadth of the movepool it can learn, such as Clefairy or Delcatty2Or, if you want the most extreme case, Mew..

That said despite all of the flexibility in ways that a Pokemon can learn moves, there’s still some glaring misses for logical moves that Pokemon should be able to learn. A glaring example of this that was fixed in Generation VII was the fact that Luvdisc — the heart shaped Pokemon — wasn’t able to learn Heart Stamp until the release of Sun and Moon3It still can’t learn Heart Swap, but this is progress.. While this omission has been resolved, there’s still quite a few missing move pairings that haven’t been addressed. This blog post will take a look at a few of those Pokemon and move matchup that Game Freak has overlooked through seven generations of the game.

Are there any moves and Pokemon pairings that I missed? Be sure to share them in the comments. All images are credited to Bulbapedia.

Growlithe

Let’s begin with one of the two Pokemon that inspired this post idea. Growlithe, a Pokemon that has been around since the original generation of the game, has never been able to learn the move Growl. The puppy Pokemon. The one with growl as the first five letters of its name. It can’t learn Growl. Togepi, the least intimidating Pokemon in existence, has been able to learn it since Generation II. Yet Growlithe cannot.

Everyone good on the premise of this list now? Good. Let’s get into some of the progressively weirder examples.

Mew

If you’re one of the people who actually reads my footnotes, you might have noticed that I mentioned Mew as being the most extreme case of a Pokemon whose entire gimmick is its movepool. Notice how I didn’t say it can learn every move in the game. That has never been its exact role. In Generations I and II, Mew was capable of learning all of its level up moves, as well as every TM, HM, and move tutor move in the game4Since Mew is a Pokemon that cannot be bred, it can’t learn any moves via breeding.. But beginning in Generation III, Mew can no longer learn every move tutor move, as it is locked out of the three starter-only moves, Frenzy Plant, Blast Burn, and Hydro Cannon. As of Generation VII, there are now ten moves that Mew can’t learn via move tutor. Since many of those moves are signature moves for certain Pokemon, it makes sense to limit them from most Pokemon. But not Mew. I want Dragon Ascent Mew, dammit.

Jigglypuff

When you think of Jigglypuff, what comes to mind? Is it the singing one that follows Ash and his gang around in the anime, only to draw all over their faces with a marker when they fall asleep from its singing? Maybe it’s the Smash Brothers edition and its insistence on trying to one-hit KO you with Rest. That said, what you’re likely not thinking of is Jigglypuff as the balloon Pokemon, even though that’s how the Pokedex classifies it. You would think that the balloon Pokemon would get a move that would keep it off of the ground, yes? But that’s not the case. Not only does Jigglypuff not get the Levitate ability, it also is incapable of learning the only move in the game that allows for levitation, Magnet Rise. And while you’re likely thinking ‘yeah…but that’s a move for Electric Pokemon’, remember Vanillite and Larvesta — two Pokemon that are neither Electric nor Steel — can learn it via breeding. What’s worse is that Jigglypuff learns the only move in the game capable of helping an ally levitate, Telekinesis, via move tutor.

Steelix

Steelix is a snake. A really big iron snake, but a snake nevertheless. And what do snakes do, other than wear silly hats to be fancy? They coil up. Need proof? In the link earlier in the paragraph, I count seven coiled snakes on the first page alone. Yet, despite the fact that Steelix is a snake, it can’t learn the most basic action in all of snakery, Coil. Steelix can learn Dragon Breath despite not being a dragon, Aqua Tail in spite of its weakness to water, and Stomping Tantrum despite not having legs. But it can’t learn Coil. Dunsparce learns Coil, and Dunsparce has never done anything useful. Why can’t Steelix learn Coil?

Chesnaught

Lest you think I’m only choosing Pokemon that were introduced in the Game Boy generations, here’s an entry from Generation VI. It usually takes a generation or two for a Pokemon to get their movesets fully realized5Unless you’re talking Gen I Pokemon, in which case that number is closer to 3 or 4., so you might be able to forgive the fact that Chesnaught is missing a logical move or two here and there. But the fact that Chesnaught is missing the move Spike Cannon from its arsenal is strange on two separate levels. First off, it already learns an array of moves where it hurls pointy barbs at other Pokemon, such as Pin Missile, Needle Arm, and Spikes. Second, I find it peculiar that only Water type Pokemon can learn the Normal type move Spike Cannon, despite the fact that it’s not a Water move. Yeah, this hedgehog gets Spiky Shield, but something’s missing.

Mimikyu

For a Pokemon that disguises itself as an Electric type Pokemon while itself being a combination Ghost and Fairy type, Mimikyu has a movepool littered with Normal type moves. Which is fine. Nearly all of them make a ton of sense for Mimikyu to learn6I could make an argument that Splash makes no sense, but I’m not going to be picky.. But why is it that a Pokemon built around a disguise and fooling people can’t learn Fake Out? There are so many Pokemon that can learn Fake Out. Squirtle can learn it. Sableye can learn it. Spinda — whose entire thing is that it falls over itself — can learn Fake Out. Yet the one Pokemon that is pretending to be another one can’t learn it. Because reasons.

Jynx

I really like Jynx. It has one of the more interesting movepools of any Generation I Pokemon, both now and in previous generations. That said, there’s a move out there — one that Jynx shares the typing of — that I’m befuddled how Jynx doesn’t learn. That move would be Synchronoise. For those unfamiliar with the move, Synchronoise is a high-powered move that can only deal damage if the Pokemon you’re battling shares a type with the Pokemon using the move. It’s almost as if they’re synchronized. You know what else is a punishment for synchronization? A jinx. How this move has been overlooked from Jynx’s movepool since Generation V is beyond me.

Ariados

At the start of this post, I mentioned that Growlithe was one of two Pokemon that inspired the creation of this list. Ariados is the other. Ariados has a giant movepool that includes some moves that might make you wonder how a spider can learn them. How Ariados learns Night Shade, Psychic, Psybeam, or Sonic Boom is beyond me. And yet, Ariados is missing the one obvious move it should have had from its creation in Generation II — Sing. Yes. The move that is synonymous with Jigglypuff actually belongs on Ariados. The long leg Pokemon has aria in its name for a reason. It was meant to create beautiful melodies for anyone in earshot to listen to. If Generation VIII gives us a growling Growlithe and a singing Ariados, the Pokemon world will be a better place.

 

Like my list? Disagree with me? Do you have your own thoughts as to what obvious moves a Pokemon should learn that it doesn’t? Tell me about them in the comments.

My Pokemon Gym: Fighting

A few weeks ago, one of my blog followers — and frequent referrer of people to this blog — Todd posed a question on Twitter. If you ran your own Pokemon gym that was monotype, what would your six Pokemon be? Part of this exercise was that Todd got to pick the type of Pokemon that your gym would be represented by. In my case, this means that he selected the Fighting type for me.

I’m not a huge fan of the Fighting type. It’s not my least favorite by any means. I’ve been a big supporter of it in Pokemon Go, despite the fact that it might be the most overpowered typing in that game at this point. But as someone who adores Ice types, I find it difficult to support Fighting types. They wreck my favorite typing without proving a ton of coverage to help protect my beloved snowy Pokemon. That said, I’m going to do my best to give this exercise my best shot, as there are some Fighting types I do like.

As I’ve done on previous Pokemon team/gym style posts, I’ll be sharing the six Pokemon on my team, along with their held items and moves. I’ll also be giving a little additional background into why I’ve chosen each of these Pokemon. Considering there’s only been one Fighting type on all of the teams I’ve done (and I’m not even using that Pokemon on this team), I’m forced to think about which six Pokemon I’d use when leading a Fighting gym. I’m not allowed to use legendaries per Todd’s rules, but even with that in mind, I think I have the six Pokemon I’d use pretty well set.

Breloom

Breloom courtesy Bulbapedia

Breloom might be one of the weirdest looking Pokemon in all of the different generations that have been released. It’s basically a kangaroo with a penis for a head. And yet, it’s one of the more amusing and useful Fighting types. Because of its Grass/Fighting typing, as well as Breloom’s Poison Heal ability, this Pokemon would likely be the bulky wall of my team. Yes, it may struggle against Flying types, but it has coverage for that.

Ability: Poison Heal
Item: Toxic Orb
Moves: Rock Tomb, Leech Seed, Drain Punch, Force Palm

Hawlucha

Hawlucha courtesy Bulbapedia

In my playthrough of Pokemon Sun, I decided that I wanted to make a team built around having Caterpie take out as many members of the Elite Four as I possibly could. Part of this strategy hinged around Hawlucha’s access to Baton Pass, Hone Claws, and Bulk Up, which allowed me to pass Caterpie boosted attack, defense, and accuracy7I got my speed boosts from Mega Lopunny and my defense/special defense/evasiveness boosts from Drifblim.. Were it not for this luchador owl, my strategy would never have worked. On this team, Hawlucha would serve as my scout Pokemon, though it’s got a trick or two up its sleeve if it needs to fight.

Ability: Limber
Item: Focus Sash
Moves: U-Turn, Flying Press, Endeavor, Acrobatics

Poliwrath

Poliwrath courtesy Bulbapedia

Instead of using an Ice type on this team8As the lone Ice/Fighting type is painfully bad., I decided to give one the most underappreciated Fighting types a spot on this team. Poliwrath is overlooked in its own evolution line thanks to Politoad’s usefulness in competitive play. It gets overlooked as a Generation I Fighting type thanks to the Hitmons at the dojo and Machamp’s excellence. With the existence of Keldeo, it’s not even the best Pokemon of its own typing anymore. Oddly enough, Poliwrath serves the role as my team’s special attacker, as it trails only Hawlucha in terms of special attack. There’s some nods to my roots, both as a Gen I fan and as an Ice type lover in this set too.

Ability: Water Absorb
Item: Fightium-Z
Moves: Body Slam, Water Pulse, Ice Beam, Focus Blast

Gallade

Gallade courtesy Bulbapedia

Even in a world where Gardevoir exists, I rather like Gallade as the end stage evolution for Ralts. Gallade is a surprisingly tough Pokemon to take out, especially once it gets rolling. And yeah, it’s not the Dragon killer that its Rule 34-overloaded counterpart is. But at the same time, it does alright for itself when fighting a litany of different Pokemon. I considered making Gallade my mega Pokemon, however as you’ll see in a coming entry, there’s a very good reason why I didn’t9And it’s not just because Gallade’s move pool for Fighting type moves is kind of lackluster..

Ability: Justified
Item: Bright Powder
Moves: Double Team, Leaf Blade, Low Kick, Poison Jab

Heracross

Mega Heracross courtesy Bulbapedia

All hail the great and powerful Bug Pokemon. Heracross and Scizor made Bug Pokemon useful when Generation II came out, with Heracross being the offensive juggernaut to Scizor’s tankiness. As Heracross got a mega evolution in Generation VI, it brought to the table a terrifying 185 base attack to go along with not terrible defense or special defenses. It might not be the best mega Pokemon, but it — along with Scizor — is one of my favorites to use. Skill Link’s guarantee of max hits with multi-hit moves is frightening to come up against in a battle, so I felt like it had a natural place on this team.

Ability: Skill Link (Moxie prior to mega evolving)
Item: Heracronite
Moves: Rock Blast, Pin Missile, Bullet Seed, Close Combat

Hitmonchan

Hitmonchan courtesy Bulbapedia

My favorite Fighting type Pokemon is the anchor to this team. Though it doesn’t get a mega stone like Heracross, nor is it my Z-move Pokemon like Poliwrath, Hitmonchan’s versatility would make it the most fun for me to use. In my very first playthrough of Pokemon Blue10Circa age 12., I carried a team of Blastoise, Fearow, Hypno, Sandslash, Dugtrio, and Hitmonchan. I loved saving Hitmonchan for the end of battles because I could take out pretty much anything with its elemental punches. The same premise applies with this version of the team, albeit without an overreliance on Pokemon who just critical hit everything.

Ability: Iron Fist
Item: Expert Belt
Moves: Thunder Punch, Ice Punch, Fire Punch, Mega Punch

5 Things I Want to See in the Next Pokemon Game

It’s been a few weeks now, but we finally got confirmation that a new main series Pokemon game — effectively generation 8 of the series — will be coming to the Nintendo Switch in 2019. Even though the entry-level games Pokemon Let’s Go! Pikachu and Let’s Go! Eevee will be coming later this year, I would argue that most long-time players of the series are much more excited about the next generation game than they are a game that is essentially a remake of Pokemon Yellow with a lot more bells and whistles11I feel like I’m an exception to this rule, as I think that there’s a lot of potential with the Let’s Go! games. That said, I recognize that my opinion is largely biased by the fact that I play Pokemon Go regularly..

There is, of course, potentially a lot to be excited for with a new main series Pokemon game. In the past two generations, we’ve seen The Pokemon Company introduce mega evolutions, Z-crystals/Z-moves, replace the gym system with the trial system, ride Pokemon, plus the addition of a new typing to create additional game balance. Some of these changes are for the better, some are for the worse, but the one thing that’s for sure is that the games will continue to experience change.

With that in mind, I thought I’d present five changes I’d like to see in the next generation of Pokemon games. Since we don’t know a ton about what’s coming in a true next generation Pokemon game12As most of the focus is on the two Let’s Go! games at this point., all of the items on my list will be what I truly would like to see added to those games, rather than any thoughts based off of speculation or rumors about the games found online. If the changes you’d like to see in a coming game aren’t in this list, tell me what you’d like to see in the comments.

1. Reintroduce Competitive, Non-Friendly Rivals

There’s a lot that Pokemon Sun and Moon did really well while trying to rethink how a core series Pokemon game should be played. One of the biggest areas where it fell short was Hau being your primary rival for the series. I get that he’s supposed to be this happy-go-lucky character whose story intertwines with yours as you’re going through the game. That’s great. Lillie is kind of like that too and she’s a great character. But you don’t battle Lillie. And she’s not the main person you have to battle over and over again while being presented with little to no challenge. If Hau was even a little competitive, it’d be fine. That said, Sun and Moon make beating Hau feel like you’re curbstomping your likeable little brother. No one wants that.

We need the jerk rival to return. We need a rival on the level of Gary Motherfuckin Oak. The rivals have been getting progressively easier while also getting nicer. But…why? Make the next rival the schoolyard bully. Or an adult who hates kids because he resents not being able to go on his own Pokemon journey. Just stop giving me this as a rival I’m supposed to take seriously.

2. Revive the Gym System, But Not Fully

While there was a bit of an uproar about the fact that Sun and Moon replaced the traditional 8 gym system with the trial system, I will say that I didn’t mind it. The trials were (mostly) better at difficulty scaling than gym leaders were at their place in the game, so it was a bit more of a challenge13Particularly if you went into the trials blind as I did for most of my run through Moon.. The only problem was that the reason the trials were as difficult as they were was because of the SOS mechanic, which forced you to fight the trial’s totem Pokemon two-on-one rather than one-on-one.

From a nostalgic standpoint, I love the gym leader system. My favorite characters in the first three games — Sabrina, Whitney, and Flannery — are all gym leaders whose battles I enjoyed taking on. That said, if the gym system could be re-instituted where you have a gym leader you take on after completing a trial-style battle, that would be the ideal situation. It would certainly make for a more climatic encounter than the Captain-less trial in Sun and Moon.

3. Make Ice Types Matter

I recognize that this is 100% personal bias. I love Ice types. They’ve been my favorite type since Generation I. But good lord are they garbage defensively.

There was clearly an effort to try to remedy this with the introduction of Aurora Veil in Generation VII, but one of the major threats to Ice types — fighting type moves — has a direct counter to Aurora Veil in the form of Brick Break. It’s not a soft counter either, it’s the hardest of hard counters, as Brick Break not only removes Aurora Veil, but it also deals super effective damage.

So…how do we address it? Perhaps having Ice types resist something other than their own move type14Water and Bug come to mind here.. Maybe give a bulky Ice type an ability like Thick Fat which reduces damage from certain types. There’s also the option of removing the weakness to Rock or Fighting or pairing the Ice typing up with Fire as we’ve discussed before on this blog. Just give me an Ice type that doesn’t have to set up screens or get baton passed stats to death in order to survive.

4. Give Expansive Move Tutoring Options Before Part Two of the Generation

If you’ve only bought the original games in each of the generations of Pokemon15Or if you’ve only played Gen I., you’re likely only lightly familiar with what a move tutor is. The move tutor characters in the main games teach moves to certain Pokemon, either for free or at a cost. The massive problem with this mechanic is that you’re almost forced to wait until the second part of a generation of games comes out in order to take advantage of this feature. Sun and Moon were the main series releases that had the most move tutor moves to date, with 11 possible moves to teach certain Pokemon. Their follow ups, Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon, had move tutors for those same 11 moves, plus an additional 67 moves. SIXTY-SEVEN. Why. Why not have this in the original games?

While we’re at it, can we bring back the move tutor mechanics from Black and White 2 where you could purchase move tutor moves with shards rather than needing to rely on doing the battle tree? The battle tree is my least favorite part of Sun and Moon’s post game, as if I want to do competitive battling, I’ll just play online. I get that some people like the feature. That’s great. Don’t tie move tutoring to it. That’s all I’m asking.

5. Region Lock the Pokedex Until the Post Game

I can hear the rage coming from the internet now about this item’s inclusion on the list. As much as I liked Sun and Moon, the fact that I could catch so many Pokemon from previous games in the series made me care much less about using Pokemon from Alola, save for my starter, on my first playthrough. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, as knowing the intricacies of my team allowed me to beat the game (Moon) a bit more smoothly. When I did a playthrough of Sun, however, I made an effort to take only Alolan Pokemon as my primary team.

The major reason to this change of strategy was that I played Pokemon Black in the middle of these two playthroughs. Generation V forces you to use its regional Pokedex until you beat the main game, only then allowing you access to Pokemon that aren’t native to Unova. I truly think that this forced me to think more about my game experience, which made my run of Pokemon Black much more enjoyable. I’d love to see this brought back in Generation VIII, even if that means Pokemon I love aren’t unlockable until I beat the game’s Elite Four. While we’re at it, if we could have every Pokemon ever in Generation VIII without needing special events to get mythical Pokemon, that would also be nice (though likely very unrealistic).

 

What features would you like to see in a new generation of Pokemon games? Hate or love my ideas? Let me know in the comments.

Pokefusions Are Hilariously Dumb

As you can likely tell from the high volume of Pokemon posts I’ve done over time on this blog, I love the Pokemon series of games. One of my favorite ways to kill boredom while sitting at an airport is to play around on Pokemon fusion sites and see what inane monstrosities I can create to amuse myself.

Pokemon fusion sites take two or more Pokemon and mix their features together in order to create a whole new Pokemon. There’s quite a few sites devoted to this out there, such as Alex Osanger’s site, which is believed to be one of the original sites for this practice. My current favorite site16Read: The one my wife reminded me of the existence of. to play around with is Japeal’s fusion generator, which features Pokemon through Gen IV.

With the help of this generator, I’ve come up with ten of the funniest Pokefusions I could and decided to share them with all of you. These are obviously my personal opinion, so if you find one that you find hilarious, create it and share it in the comments of this post. I’d love to see what all of you come up with.

Honorable Mentions

Before I get into my actual list, I wanted to call out a few honorable mentions that came up when I was making these lists. When Japeal’s generator creates a fusion, the new Pokemon is named by making a portmanteau of the names of the two Pokemon in the fusions. For example, a fusion of Scyther and Crocnaw because Scynaw. In doing so, some great names occur. While the Pokemon designs for most of these fusions weren’t great, honorable mentions going to naming for:

  • Monster (Monferno/Cloyster)
  • Mario (Mareep/Lucario)
  • Hoooone (Hoothoot/Linoone)
  • Fartle (Farfetch’d/Grotle) [Pictured Above]
  • Mr. Cash (Mr. Mime/Whiscash)

10. Mr. Krow (Mr. Mime/Honchkrow)

Let’s lead off with the Psychic/Dark dual type Mr. Krow. This bubblegum bird caught my attention not just because of the opportunity to give a beard to Mr. Mime17And make him less creepy., but also because of how the tail feathers are essentially a lightened inversion of Honchkrow’s color scheme. It was between this and Fartle for the 10th spot on the list, but Mr. Krow gets the edge thanks to its pepto-colored cowboy hat.

9. Celekoal (Celebi/Torkoal)

Have you ever wondered where matcha tea comes from? The internet and science might tell you it’s from ground up green tea leaves, but in reality, it’s from the smoke rolling out of the body of a Celekoal. When the natural tea in Celekoal’s body is heated to a temperature of 212 degrees Fahrenheit18The metric system is for lazy people and people who use base 10. This is America. We don’t us….wait. We do use base 10? What the fuck? Next you’re going to tell me we use Arabic numerals. Oh….that too, eh?, the tea changes into a powdery smoke useful for making tasty Kit Kats.

8. Aeropix (Aerodactyl/Vulpix)

I have a confession to make. I hated all of the Jurassic Park movies. All of them. Ever. Even the original with the awesome music. Dinosaurs just aren’t my thing. That said, if there’s a way you could make a dinosaur cute19Spoiler: there isn’t., it would be to put a dinosaur head on the body of something cute. So I took the cutest Gen I Pokemon in existence and slapped the head of a heartless monster on top. And it’s…passable? If only Alolan Ninetales had a shiny form with purple tails.

7. Ledytortle (Ledyba/Wartortle)

At the bottom of Japeal’s fusion page, just below where my screenshots cut off, there’s a random button that allows you to randomize the Pokemon you’re fusing together. Ledytortle was the result of clicking that button a lot. There’s two things you need to know about Ledytortle.

  1. It’s objectively horrifying.
  2. I can’t take my eyes off of it.

Those two things, particularly when combined, mean that this bug turtle gets a spot on this list. If I had to deal with it, so do all of you.

6. Swadabra (Swalot/Kadabra)

We now go to a conversation at Game Freak’s headquarters.

Developer 1: We need a new Pokemon. What can we do?

Developer 2: Okay. Hear me out on this. What if we had Kadabra…

Developer 1: Okay…

Developer 2: …then dyed it purple…

Developer 1: …go on…

Developer 2: …and made its majestic mustache look like something out of a Hanna-Barbera cartoon?

Developer 1: BRILLIANT!

5. Hippotic (Hippopotas/Milotic)

Basically the same conversation in #6 happened here, only Pendelton Ward is doing the designing. That said, we’ve reached the point in this list where I start actually liking the random designs that were thrown out by the generator. This isn’t awful. I mean, the brown coloring isn’t ideal, but it’s not the worst thing either. Hippotic looks the part of a Pokemon. It gets bonus points for that.

4. Wurmdoom (Wurmple/Houndoom)

In a stunning turn of events, Wurmple made making this list really hard. It’s a testament to how well Wurmple is designed when nearly everything I fused Wurmple with that had an animal body looked good. Of all the Wurmple fusions I did, Wurmdoom was the most ridiculous looking, but it also grew on me like no other fusion on this list did. And considering there’s never been a dual type Bug/Dark Pokemon, this might be the result from this list I’m the happiest with how it turned out.

3. Waillee (Wailmer/Hitmonlee)

This is the sequel to Wall-E. It’s a whale that can kick your ass. I would watch it on Netflix20Which is like most people saying they’d see something in theaters. I don’t like going to movies..

2. Weepinckle (Weepinbell/Shuckle)

So let’s say you’re new to Pokefusions or you’re trying to show one to someone who has never seen them before. Where do you start? My suggestion is to put Weepinbell’s face on literally anything and you’ve got gold. Don’t believe me? Do you think Weepinckle is an isolated case? Here’s Weepinbell with Dratini. And Beedrill. And Togekiss. And Tyranitar. The constantly shocked look on Weepinbell’s face is wonderful. That said, the design and angle of Weepinbell’s face can look weird on certain Pokemon. And the number one fusion on this list manages to hit everything on the nose.

1. Shellcor (Shellder/Gliscor)

How is this so perfect? I mean, I get that it’s partly because Shellder and Gliscor are similar colors. And I know it’s partly that Shellder’s head isn’t terribly different in terms of size and shape from Gliscor’s. But come on. This is perfect.

 

What are the best Pokefusions you can come up with? Which of the fusions I shared do you like the best? Sound off in the comments.

My Fire Emblem Awakening Head Canons

This post is a shitpost. Just warning everyone of that right now. In fact, this post was caused by a bit of nerding out I did on Twitter with Evey and Dem21Though mostly Dem, as she’s finished Awakening.. I recognize that I’m going to lose a lot of you very early on in this post — even more than I do with a typical Fire Emblem post and especially because I just did one on Monday — but we’re going with it.

In the more recent games within the Fire Emblem series, you have the option of pairing many of your first generation units off and marrying them. This is done mostly for the purpose of creating stupidly overpowered child units, though the parent units do get benefits from being paired together. The parent units also tend to get some of the best conversations and backstory in the game, which is to be expected as you spend over half of the game using them22Sometimes longer on higher difficulties. This is particularly true in the Fates games, where the children aren’t as overpowered.. That said, since there are numerous pairings of parents you can make in the game, all of which impact their future children in various ways, there really aren’t any canonical pairings of adults in either Awakening or Fates23A lot of people will make the argument that Sumia and Chrom are as close to canon as you can get in Awakening. While I see where they’re coming from — and I do tend to pair them — I don’t know that I consider it canon..

In doing multiple playthroughs of Awakening, I’ve developed my own mental pairings, or head canons, of the parent units in spite of the lack of rigidity in that regard that Awakening provides. As a result of my aforementioned Twitter discussion, I was inspired to write a post about this. Three things before I do though.

  1. Spoilers ahead. If you care about that.
  2. Again, these are my own head canon pairings. Clearly there’s nothing set in stone in Awakening, not to mention a few of the pairings I mention below aren’t even the most logical ones in my mind (for reasons you’ll see below). If you disagree with these, or if you have your own head canons for the game, please share them in the comments.
  3. I’m basic this list off of the female units in Awakening, as they control the children. That said, you’ll see at least one male repeat for reasons that will become clear below.

Female Robin

Because female Robin can be paired with any male in the game, regardless of generation, there are so many more options opened up to Robin than any other character. Even beyond that, she does take away a potential father from someone else in the game if you use her as a unit24Unlike Birthright which all but requires you to play as Female Corrin to get all the child units.. That said, if you’re playing as a female Robin, the most logical marriage in my mind is RobinxChrom25All marriage pairings will be notated in this post as Female Unit, then an x, then the male unit.. It just adds to the depth of Lucina’s character once she does join the game, not to mention that Chrom has the best written supports with Female Robin. While Female Robin isn’t the best person for Chrom26Probably Sumia? Or village girl., he is the best pairing for her.

Lissa

As I was mapping out my post, I wrote down who my head canons were for every single female unit to help structure things. Except Lissa. I just wrote “fill” for her. I kept going through the possible pairings with her in my head, only for all of them to sound lackluster. Then it hit me. I had forgotten Henry exists. Think about it. Both Lissa and Henry are a bit childish without being too whiny about it. Owain already has a dark streak running through him, not to mention a weird sense of humor that only Henry has. LissaxHenry might be the most logical pairing in the game. I have no idea why I couldn’t think of this.

Sully

I like Sully much more for her character in cut scenes and her introductory chapter, as well as her interactions with her daughter, Kjelle, than I do in any of her support with her potential spouses. Yeah, Stahl gives the red/green cavalier trope that Fire Emblem has, and yeah, pairing her off with Libra gives Kjelle double honorable parents to develop her personality. But I enjoy having SullyxDonnel as my pairing the most because of the amount of respect the two of them give each other throughout their support. Donnel is one of the males that’s a pretty good pairing with most of the females, but he’s particularly well paired with Sully’s brash mannerisms.

Miriel

The only support I enjoy because of the way they talk about combat and training with one another, I find that MirielxFrederick happens in most playthroughs of Awakening for me. Laurent’s personality is so much a mirror of his mother that nearly anyone could be his dad. But Frederick is such a good pairing with Miriel in terms of how they learn from each other on the battlefield that I feel like they’d naturally end up together anyway. Granted, that could be as battle partners more than lovers, but I think they have a weird chemistry to them anyway.

Sumia

Sumia’s so bland and has so few supports that there’s not really any good options. In reality, I nearly always pair her off with Chrom. But I do that because I want to give Lucina the Galeforce skill and because Chrom’s conversations with Cynthia in her recruitment chapter are genuinely some of the funniest in the game. That said, Sumia doesn’t have a good pairing available to her with any of the adults. My true head canon here is SumiaxInigo, as not only would Sumia totally swoon for Inigo’s charming ways, Inigo would be a hilarious dad for Cynthia.

Maribelle

Maribelle, like Panne below, is a character whose child plays a bit more into my head canon of them than most units. Maribelle’s son, Brady, is a common speaking behemoth of a man with the sophistication of a noble musician. Clearly his class came from his mom, but who did the uncouth ways27As Maribelle terms them. get inherited from? Considering our available options, only MaribellexVaike makes sense for a pairing. You might be able to make a small argument for Gregor or Stahl as Brady’s dad, but neither one of them is quite as perfect of a fit as Vaike.

Panne

Panne is one of the most underappreciated units in Awakening, largely because she starts out with the terrible Taguel class. Her offspring, Yarne, is also one of the more annoying characters in a cast of children that can be one-dimensional at times28Outside of Lucina and MAYBE Gerome…but unless you pair Lucina and Gerome, that’s hard to see.. For whatever reason, Yarne’s scaredy cat tendencies lead me to believe that PannexRicken is the only acceptable head canon. Like his dad, Yarne has to go through the whole ugly duckling phase, only he also has to do it as a member of a race that’s in single digits. It’s a big, awkward family.

Cordelia

Chrom. It’s fucking Chrom. But it can’t be Chrom. Because you can’t pair CordeliaxChrom even though it’s the most logical pairing in the entire game. Princely dad, heroic prodigy mother, heir to the throne prodigy older daughter, spiteful younger daughter who resents everyone else. WHY ISN’T THIS PAIRING A THING? I usually marry Cordelia off to Stahl or Henry, but I don’t like it.

Nowi

God. They’re all pretty creepy. Nowi’s support are so cringeworthy that I skip them. That said, I feel pretty strongly that NowixKellam is the only logical answer here. Since Nowi is pretty much immortal and since Kellam is lost to the annals of history in nearly all of his endings, it’s a sad though apt way for Kellam to be married off. He becomes a forgotten blip, even in the extremely long life of a manakete.

Tharja

Tharja is sadistic. In nearly all of her supports she’s cruel to her potential mate or she’s busy stalking Robin. This is the case with TharjaxGaius too. Yet with her supports with Gaius, it almost comes across like Tharja — oh evil dark mage who’s just cruel to everyone — can’t get the upper hand on the happy-go-lucky bandit. And that amuses me to no end. I’m also of the thinking that this is the parent set of Noire for another head canon of mine, NoirexMaleRobin.

Olivia

I don’t know that there’s really a good pairing for Olivia in the game. My head canon for her is OliviaxStahl, but I recognize that it’s not a good pairing. It’s basically Lon’qu’s supports, only Olivia is scared of Stahl. Mind you, Stahl is as imposing as a piece of bread. But they just belong together. I say this even though Inigo has a much closer personality to Vaike or Virion than he does to Stahl. Maybe it’s the hair? Maybe I just like Stahl and want to see him happy, even if he does have to hide his engagement ring in a letter? I can’t really justify this one. It just is.

Cherche

There aren’t a ton of feelings in the support conversations of Awakening once you get outside of the main characters29For this, I’m going to classify main characters as Chrom, Robin, and Lucina, as well as Chrom’s immediate family of Emmeryn and Lissa.. And in many of the supports, Lon’qu’s entire gimmick is that he’s afraid of women. But do a playthrough with CherchexLon’qu and try to tell me that you’re not immediately 100% more invested in both of them as characters. Cherche has some great supports with many of the male characters30Frederick, Henry, and Stahl come to mind.. But…fuck. The first time I read their supports, I wasn’t expecting the hard left turn into murdered ex-best friend/lovers.

Special Honorable Mention – Flavia

You should be able to marry Flavia to any male adult in the game. She’s that kickass of a character. Since you can only marry her to male Robin, clearly that’s her pairing. But might I present Flavia’s true pairing: FlaviaxFrederick. Think about it. You have the man with the single most badass line in any Fire Emblem game and you pair him with a woman who looks like she could rip your head off with her bare hands in the morning before ruling from horseback in the evening. How isn’t this a pairing?