Everything Millennials Are Killing
As a millennial, I’m continuously shocked to learn how many things I’m killing. I don’t have the time in the day to kill anything, let alone to kill all the things ever. It’s bad enough that Know Your Meme is even making fun of it. And while there may be plenty of think pieces online written by people who aren’t millennials trying to explain why millennials are killing entire industries, that’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to give you objective journalism.
And video game posts. And short stories. And shit posts. But mostly objective journalism.
Without further ado, here’s a list of everything millennials are killing, according to newspapers, magazines, and other major publications1I refuse to refer to this amalgamation of sources as “the media” not because it’s inaccurate, but because people who use this term are often doing so out of a derision towards a particular set of news sources that don’t agree with their personal or political world view. Doing so is not only childish, but also embarrassing for those who speak that way, even if the terminology they choose to use has some basis in reality (depending, of course, on the adjectives they use to describe “the media”).. This list is ordered chronologically, as I’m just trying to retrace my steps to figure out what all I’ve killed. I have chosen to exclude items that random sites not tied to publications have stated that millennials have killed, otherwise this post would be 50,000 words. If there are other things I’ve killed that I’m missing, leave me a link to the article you’ve found in the comments.
Note: A massive thank you is due to a pair of articles I found on Buzzfeed and Mashable that gave me a good start to this list. That said, I went down some weird rabbit holes to find some of these articles.
2012
June 8 – Payscale says millennials killed the corner office
2013
July 22 – Slate says millennials are killing the religious right
2014
July 16 – Unwritten says millennials are killing manners and class
July 24 – Forbes says millennials are killing golf
August 1 – Wired says millennials killed bad advertising
August 25 – The Gothamist says millennials are killing McDonald’s, but only those of us who are promiscuous
September 8 – NBC News says millennials are killing credit cards
October 2 – Forbes says millennials might be killing Home Depot
2015
February 20 – Mic says millennials are killing the terms boyfriend and girlfriend
March 24 – Market Watch says millennials are killing Macy’s
May 27 – The New York Times says millennials are killing thongs
May 30 – Tech Crunch says millennials are killing banks (though to be fair, banks started it)
August 13 – Quartz says millennials killed General Electric’s performance review process
September 2 – Business Insider says that a millennial owned company is trying to kill Victoria’s Secret
September 24 – Refinery29 says millennials are killing TV sitcoms
October 2 – Digiday says millennials have killed focus groups
October 28 – Entrepreneur Magazine says millennials are killing the cubicle
November 10 – Time says millennials — with some help from baby boomers — killed retirement savings for Gen X
2016
January 8 – Philly Magazing says millennials are killing working
February 3 – Forbes says millennials — in a coordinated effort with baby boomers — killed the Toyota Scion
February 9 – Boston.com and Deloitte partnered up to say millennials are killing company loyalty
February 25 – The Atlantic says millennials attempted to kill the wine cork, but it’s unclear if they’ve succeeded
March 4 – Mashable says millennials are killing expensively furnished hotels
March 21 – GQ says millennials are killing breakfast cereal
March 23 – Entrepreneur Magazine says millennials are killing the 9-to-5 workday
March 28 – Business Insider says millennials are killing paper napkins
April 14 – Bloomberg says millennials killed the McWrap
April 15 – The New York Post says millennials are killing the movie industry
April 26 – Elle Magazine says millennials are killing the stiletto heel
April 27 – Vice says millennials are killing fucking
May 5 – The Wall Street Journal says millennials are killing running
May 8 – The Globe and Mail says millennials are killing the Canadian tourism industry
June 21 – Market Watch says millennials are killing face-to-face interaction
June 29 – The Economist says millennials are killing diamonds. They followed up a day later with their infamous diamond tweet.
June 30 – Quartz says millennials are killing the myth that they’re entitled
July 16 – The Caribbean News Service says millennials are killing the cruise industry
July 19 – USA Today says millennials are killing the bra
August (Date Unknown) – Call center company Evaluagent says millennials are killing call center culture.
August 3 – The New York Post says millennials are killing sex. Again.
August 10 – Market Watch says millennials are killing home cooking
August 19 – NY Magazine says millennials are killing the Olympics
August 22 – The Washington Post says millennials are killing home ownership. Also on this day, research firm Mintel said millennials are killing bar soap.
August 26 – Inc says millennials are killing vacations
September 6 – Indiewire says millennials are killing the DVR
September 21 – Business Insider says millennials are killing light yogurt
September 29 – Time says millennials are killing traditional baby names
October 10 – The LA Times says millennials killed big spending and risk taking.
October 13 – Reuters says millennials are killing their parents’ retirement plans. Again.
October 17 – The New York Post says millennials are killing gyms
October 27 – The Wall Street Journal says millennials are killing grocers
December 16 – The Wall Street Journal says millennials are killing fabric softener
December 29 – The Journal of Hand Therapy and the National Institutes of Health say that millennials are killing strong handshakes. Also on this date, the New York Post says millennials killed the dinner date.
2017
February 17 – Fortune says millennials are killing department stores
February 28 – The Metro says millennials are killing marmalade
March 23 – The New York Post says millennials are killing brunch
March 25 – USA Today says millennials are killing cable
March 28 – USA Today says millennials are killing lunch
April 4 – Bloomberg says millennials are killing marriage
June 3 – Business Insider says millennials are killing casual restaurants
June 15 – Nylon Magazine says millennials killed J. Crew
June 22 – Autoweek says millennials are killing automotive marketing
July 10 – USA Today says millennials are killing college football attendance. Also on this day, Yes Lifecycle Marketing published a study saying millennials are killing malls.
July 12 – CNBC says millennials are killing Harley-Davidson
July 21 – Business Insider says millennials are killing the oil industry
July 24 – Business Insider says millennials are killing the beer industry
August 15 – NPR says millennials are killing Applebee’s, marking the second time Applebee’s has died by our hands
August 16 – Business Insider says millennials are killing ‘breastaurants’ like Hooters
August 25 – Business Insider says millennials are killing traditional education
October 2 – The New York Post says millennials are killing postcards
October 13 – Vice says millennials are killing lotteries
October 31 – Business Insider says millennials are killing Halloween…kind of.
November 30 – Forbes says millennials are killing salary secrecy
December 7 – The Weekly Standard says millennials are killing office holiday parties
2018
January 4 – Fortune says millennials are killing being imperfect
January 13 – Wired says millennials are killing capitalism
January 19 – The Washington Post says millennials are (possibly) killing Costco
March 11 – The Financial Post says millennials are killing malls again. But this time it’s Canadian malls.
March 24 – Forbes says millennials killed both youth sports and Toys ‘R Us
March 27 – USA Today says millennials are plotting to kill the top sheet, though they haven’t acted on it yet
May 1 – The Guardian says millennials are killing the living room
May 14 – Metro says millennials are killing Club 18-30 holidays
May 24 – Carbuzz says millennials (or Gen Z…they’re not sure which) are killing subcompact cars
June 26 – Forbes says millennials are killing kitchens. Again.
July 2 – CityLab says millennials are killing country club membership
July 12 – The Comeback says millennials are killing Millennial Night for minor league baseball teams. This one isn’t important at all, but did make me laugh.
August 6 – Business Insider says millennials killed a beer specifically created for them
August 9 – Maxim says millennials are killing the razor industry
August 11 – Philly Magazine says millennials are killing mayonnaise
August 21 – Bustle says millennials killed dress codes
September 15 – The Washington Post says millennials are killing Washington DC’s metro
September 20 – KARE 11 says millennials are killing resumes
September 24 – The Minneapolis Star-Tribune says millennials are killing post offices
September 26 – USA Today says millennials are killing divorce
October 8 – USA Today says millennials are killing relationships
October 9 – Fortune says millennials are killing the primary care doctor
October 10 – Bloomberg says millennials are killing American cheese
October 11 – The Guardian says millennials are killing getting drunk
October 24 – Sports blog Saturday Down South says millennials are killing the University of Miami’s smoking Ibis mascot
November 1 – Jezebel says millennials are, shockingly, not killing funeral homes
November 19 – The Daily Mail says millennials are killing large Thanksgiving turkeys
November 22 – Metro UK says millennials are killing Christmas traditions
November 30 – A study by the Federal Reserve (via NPR) says millennials are killing things because they’re poorer than previous generations. We finally have a motive!
December 3 – Business Insider says millennials are killing canned tuna
December 21 – NPR says millennials are killing both cash and saying Merry Christmas. It’s a two-for-one murder special!
2019
January 16 – The Drinks Insider says millennials are killing wine
January 25 – MSNBC says millennials are killing “traditional American motorcyles”, expanding on our previous kill of Harley-Davidson.
January 30 – After nearly a year of a possible kill, SeattlePI.com says that millennials are killing Costco. For real this time. The kill count has been updated to a confirmed kill.
February 14 – Observer says millennials are killing Coca-Cola
February 18 – Metro UK says millennials killed the protest song
February 26 – KXTV says millennials are killing the traditional gym. Again.
February 27 – Inverse says millennials are killing potatoes
March 5 – Ad Age says millennials are killing the NBA. Meanwhile, KXTV says millennials are killing California
March 15 – The Fort Worth Star-Telegram says millennials are killing Fairmount, Texas. Meanwhile, KXTV says millennials are killing kitchens.
March 25 – KXTV says millennials are killing cereal. Again.
March 28 – Boing Boing says millennials are killing the McMansion.
April 2 – KXTV says millennials are killing soda pop.
April 8 – KXTV says that millennials aren’t killing Irish whisky. This won’t be added to the kill count, but the article flips our typical trope on its head, so it makes the list.
April 23 – KXTV says that millennials are killing yogurt. But that they’re not. It’s all very confusing and amuses me. I’m going to mark this as a possible kill until I see bleeding yogurt cups.
May 6 – KXTV says millennials are killing meat.
May 8 – WWLP says millennials are killing both the manufacturing sector and the middle class.
May 10 – The Inquisitr says millennials are killing the hamburger.
May 14 – KXTV says millennials are killing old-school drinking.
May 20 – KXTV says millennials are killing the gender pay gap. To which I say…about fucking time.
June 6 – The India Times says millennials are killing the doorbell.
June 19 – The Washington Post says millennials are killing wedding cakes.
June 24 – City Metric says millennials are killing the car.
July 3 – Smart Company says millennials are killing investment managers.
July 11 – The Radio and Television Business Report says millennials are killing broadcast television.
July 14 – Vogue India says millennials might be killing the opera.
July 24 – The West Australian says millennials are killing Australian restaurants.
August 1 – Grazia says millennials are killing the full stop…or the period. Whatever you want to call it.
August 4 – KIIITV says millennials are killing friendship.
August 8 – Tucson Weekly says millennials are killing the baby industry.
August 13 – KXTV says millennials are killing dating.
August 21 – Moneywise says millennials are killing off 15 different wedding traditions. I’m counting this as a single kill because the title is even clickbaitier than a normal millennials are killing title.
September 3 – The Why says millennials are killing the Philadelphia accent.
September 23 – Boing Boing says millennials are killing Amtrak’s dining car.
October 8 – Inverse says millennials are killing climate change denial. Which…good.
October 17 – 225 Magazine says millennials are killing the dinner party.
October 19 – The Telegraphy says millennials are killing houseplants.
November 1 – SB Nation says millennials are killing the World Series trophy.
November 18 – Independent says millennials are killing Secret Santa.
2020
January 15 – The Daily Mail says millennials are killing the fry-up.
January 24 – The Daily Mail says millennials are killing the curry house.
February 4 – The fucking Albany Times fucking Union says that fucking millennials are fucking killing the fucking f-word.
February 15 – Best Gaming Pro says millennials have killed HQ Trivia.
February 18 – Forbes says millennials are killing monster hunters.
February 27 – Click on Detroit says millennials are killing cologne/after shave.
April 2 – Jezebel says millennials killed alcohol, but that the COVID-19 pandemic brought it back. This counts both as a confirmed kill and a zombie below.
May 5 – Money and Markets says millennials are killing the real estate market.